I remember it used to feel like the turn of the century, like I was witnessing men stepping on the moon for the first time, but now it just all feels so hollow. Honestly it feels like nothing changed from 2015 until now but at the same time everything is sooo dead, and I see how much there is that wasn't. I picture a little happy me trying to understand that now people use artificial intelligence as much as their phones, but I think I would be confused the most because wdym they didn't have AI??

I honestly feel like anachronism is inherent to humanity, we unlocked object permanence, self recognition, and theory of mind but we still can't handle time. I saw some guy reposting a comment saying the Oracle from Matrix was a pretty nice reference to websites as Neo always had to accept her cookies before the plot could continue, I thought "Hey, nice ref!" and then followed on with my life until I realized "Wait, but there were no 'Accept cookies' popups until the 2010s!" and then I realized I was seeing the past with a lens of the future.

When they made the WWW they accidentally invented a time machine, time distorter and the anti-anti-depressive, like, I look at my old social media posts and omg, I left a piece of my life there and it looks and feels alive! Wow, so much has changed, the ride never ends, and I cry inside.

The web is also the worst place when it comes to hiding your idiot self from the past, if it's on the internet it's on the internet forever, and no telling that you were a stupid child when you posted My Little Pony songs that's you NOW, because the internet you is like all of you at the same time, omniautossence.

I hear the fireworks outside, can't these people wait a little? There are dogs and children who would be glad. Look, I don't hate fireworks, I love them, because of the lights (not telling much, if you wagged a lightstick in front of me I'd jump on it like a moth), and the noises too as they do tell "it's a new year!", but hey, have some empathy too...

It's now an hour after I started writing this post, the rain stopped, it's cold now, a little bit brighter, and I think I'm a bit happier, I just wish I could be happy enough to start enjoying these holidays again, I became an extremely dissatisfied person in only 2 years. I wish I could hug a plushie or something. 

Keep going

- J(?). A